#TF2 soldier x reader

[prettyboypistol]

How to Seduce the TF2 Mercs

Scout

Pay attention to him. Give him genuine compliments and honest feedback. He wants to feel loved and like he's worth someone's time.

Kisses and physical affection. Mans thinks about the time you put your hand on his shoulder for weeks.

Just say you love him, man. He's been overlooked his whole life.

Soldier

Take him seriously- don't belittle him or make jokes about how he views the world. He knows he's a little crazy but he is genuinely trying his best to make the world a better place.

Defend him!!! If someone shit talks him, punch that motherfucker in the jaw!!

Honest discussions with you asking a lot of questions, take the time to get to know him and you'll have a defender for the rest of your life.

Pyro

Much like with Soldier, defend them and take the time to get to know them.

Gifts, gifts, gifts!!! Give them gifts!

Be a little flirty ;> don't baby them! Treat them like the adult they are!

Demoman

Bro just ask to fuck. He'll probably say yes.

He loves a bold mf that knows how to take what they want. Come on to him, buy him a drink, and ask if he's got any company for the night.

If you're going for something a little more long term, just remove the sleeping aspect. Just say you're interested in getting to know him you'll most likely get a date and see how things go.

Engineer

He's a sucker for practical use gifts (i.e. mechanical oil, a new wrench, etc) or sentimental gifts (photograph of you two, love letters)

Call him handsome! Call him pretty and a gentleman! Appeal to that cowboy energy and treat him all respectful like and you'll definitely catch his interest.

If you're not the type to do all that song and dance, go the opposite route. Stump him with a logistic problem and tease him about it. He'll nonstop think about you for months and bitch about you to his sentries.

Heavy

Mikhail likes hotheads and determined people, someone who's not afraid to fight if the situation comes to it.

Ask him about general things and slowburn that mf about nice conversations until you two can talk about personal things.

Ask him to help you clean your guns! Ask him weaponry questions about what would suit you better in the field!

Medic

GET THIS MAN SOME ORGANS. GET HIM SOME FUNDING!!!! get him a lil lovebirddddd

Take the time to get to know his birds and if the birds like you, Medic automatically likes you more.

Take an interest in his medical discoveries and his life! He's a prime yapper and wants to t a l k. That's why he never shuts up when doing surgery.

Spy

Romance him traditionally, to be honest. Keep it classy and court him like the romantic he is. Roses placed in his locker, prime dinners delivered to his door, BE A ROMANTIC ABOUT IT.

If you can't dance, ask him to teach you "for a mission" (He will know that you're the one behind all the flirtatious gestures bc he's SPY)

Butter up that man like he's a piece of toast. Handsome young man who captured your heart and holds it hostage. Classy gentleman that could get away with world domination with gorgeous eyes like that.

Sniper

Don't come on too strong, he's a bristly one. Be calm and casual. Hit him with that friends to lovers.

He's more of a tough nut to crack and insecure of if you actually like him, so be sure to flood his mind with ambiguous hints when you think you see signs of him showing interest in you.

To really seal yourself in his heart, spend a lot of quality time with him! Go camping, hunting, fishing, driving, anything that gets the both of you alone and quiet.

[lunatic-pudge]

Mercs Being Jealous

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(Requested by menenthusiast900069)

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Aight, so let's make a quick list of most to least jealous, just so you get an idea of my very bias beliefs, I am semi willing to debate this.

1.) Sniper

2.) Demo

3.) Scout

4.) Medic

5.) Pyro

6.) Soldier

7.) Engie

8.) Spy

9.) Heavy

Now, onto the headcanons!

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Scout:

-Such a jealous baby, he can't help it

-A lot of it comes from his insecurities and also being the youngest of eight. He's used to being "the runt" of the group, even with the mercs. So he feels like he has to compete with them for your affection, even if you two are dating

-Like, someone could stand just a little too close to you and he's already starting the side eyes

-Scout, chill, for real for real

-He will attach himself to you once the jealousy kicks in. Arms wrapped around you, nuzzling up against you, it's that inner dog in him

-He will get mouthy with whoever is causing the jealousy. Talks a lot of smack for someone who is built like a damn twig. So it goes from him loving on you, to you having to prevent a fight from happening. Yes, depending on who it is, he can win the fight, he's a mercenary afterall. But when it comes to guys who have a big build like Heavy, then you'll really need to stop him

Soldier:

-Isn't really the jealous type, surprisingly. I think it comes from an oblivious stand point. Like, you need to point it out that someone's flirting with you for him to get even an increment of jealousy

-He really feels like he has nothing to worry about (which he's right). He's more than confident that you're loyal to him cause he is with you

-I feel like when you do say someone is flirting with you, he isn't gonna be violent, moreso he will make a big name and shame thing out of it (he basically did that to Miss Pauling in the comics)

-Like, "Who do you think you are flirting with MY GIRL, maggot! You are a disgrace to this country! Now drop and give me 100!"

-But that don't mean he isn't ready to throw hands. Cause he will. Homie's down to break a few necks. But if you don't want him doing that then you're gonna have to remove him from the situation

Pyro:

-I feel like they're kinda like Solider is the more oblivious aspect, but not as much. Like, they can tell when someone's flirting with you, but whether they truly care or not is up for debate

-I don't really see Pyro as a violent type when jealous. Why waste their energy on someone so insignificant to them?

-If anything, Pyro will just resort to loving all over you, more than usual. All the while giving the offending person a death stare

-It's a very effective form of intimidation

-Cause think about it, are you gonna want to fight a person wearing a flame proof suit, that isn't speaking, and is just giving you the thousand yard stare? No, you wouldn't

Demoman:

-Poor baby can be quite insecure. I feel so bad for him

-Constantly worries about not being good enough. He's so used to being beat down by the people around him that he doesn't have good self-esteem

-He will stand nearby you, waiting for you to notice him, looking like a sad and lost puppy

-Once you finally notice him, you'll have to pry him open to find out what's wrong. He doesn't like burdening you with his problems so he tends to sit and stew about everything til he bursts

-He will need to to reassure him that you aren't going anywhere and that you love him. He needs a lot of verbal reassuring cause he's a worrying lad

Heavy:

-Heavy? Jealous? Where?

-While Scout, Demo, and Sniper might be the top three most jealous, Heavy, Engie, and Spy are the least jealous

-Heavy is this big, strong bear, why would you ever wanna settle for less? Like, frfr, you'd have to have an IQ less than an orange to stoop to such lengths

-But let's play along and say that he did get jealous. One of those very rare times it happens. He knows he doesn't have to do much to make the offender leave, all he has to do is stand there

-And stare.

-And stare..

-And stare...

-He's got that resting angry face so he just has to stand behind you and exist to make people leave you alone. It's kinda funny to think about it. He'll gently take your hand and leave after that

-Why be around people when you two can be locked away in a quite room with a good book?

Engineer:

-Again, not a jealous person. But he does have his moments sometimes

-He's a confident boy and knows you wouldn't do anything. Plus have you seen him? He's an intelligent man, got such a nice voice and accent, and can build a machine to keep you safe

-When he jealous, he's passive aggressive. He doesn't like to be hostile, especially so up front, so he'll do little things to help get his point across

(Would give examples but I'm not passive agressive, I'm just aggressive, oops)

-He'd come up to you, slide an arm around you, give you a kiss on the cheek, and say how he was looking for ya while side eyeing the offender

-THAT MAN COULD USE HIS VOICE TO SEDUCE YOU ALL OVER AGAIN, FIGHT ME

-Weirdly enough, I can see him as someone who will look into the offender, find all the person's info and hand it over to Medic, basically saying "Here's someone you can harvest organs from. Have fun, Pookie."

-Then Medic and Engie proceed to make out and get married. The end

Medic:

-Medic's an interesting fellow. I feel like he's like Pyro where it all depends on his mood. Somdays, he doesn't give a shit, and other days, HE'S FUMING

-He will NOT tolerate the disrespect  >:(

-Cue sassy Medic. This man will verbally murder a bitch and I'm here for it

-Will get "handsy" with you (he'll just throw himself on top of you, maybe even make you hold him bridal style if you're strong enough)

-Will be loving all over you while verbally berating the offender. Everything is getting called out. EVERYTHING. He wants to ensure his point is made

-Buuuut, this can also be a chance to score some fresh, new organs. He's always in the market for that stuff so he can easily kidnap the offender and harvest the goods. And no, you can't talk him out of it. Once his mind is made up, nothing can stop him

Sniper:

-Oh my poor baby boy. Where do I even begin with you?

-Sniper can't help but get so jealous so easily. He's never been one to have relationships with people so when he is in one, he gets so insecure at times

-Worries he's not good enough at times. He know he's a "quirky" individual, so he worries you'll want to be with someone who's more "normal"

-Will stand nearby, giving the offender dirty looks. They can feel the daggers that Sniper is giving them, it's enough to make them leave

-Afterwards, he'll pull you away from everyone and be all over you

-While Demo needs verbal reassurance, Sniper needs physical reassurance. So please love on him and tell him it's gonna be okay and that you love him and only him

-But I can also see him needing to prove that he's better than any guy through "fun" means (Medic would too but I forgot to add it. They both horny jealous people)

Spy:

-Again, not a jealous person, and rightfully so

-We all know how suave this man is. He can pull anyone and everyone without even trying

-But I'm sure even Spy has his own moments when he feels a slight bit of jealousy

- He'd be so pissy with the offender. Like, fuck you, pal. That's MY partner

-Welp, time to go over there and seduce you all over again, which isn't hard for him to do. He's got that magic in him, ya know? He;s a man who knows what words to say and what moves to make. He'd make the offender jealous that they couldn't be with Spy

[crabonfire]

☆ Would merc still like you if merasmus turned you into a worm 🪱 ☆

characters: all mercs

tags: crack but not really I'm taking it kinda seriously, reader has a platonic relationship with the mercs

note: maybe someone's done this before idk I felt compelled to write something tf2 related and this is lowkey all I fucking got lmao

Also this is ridiculously long for a fic that was supposed to be crack so my bad (this was longer actually, but I cut out a bunch of yapping)

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• I feel like Scout's first reaction instead of panicking is to curse and threaten Merasmus.

"OUT OF EVERY SHITTY THING YOU COULD'VE DONE, YOU TURNED THEM INTO A FRIGGIN' WORM?!"

• He's yelling, so much to the point where Merasmus just teleports away and ignores it, finding it funny (of course he finds it funny what a dick)

• He realizes that when he was so busy yelling at Merasmus, he had lost you. He panicked, looking around the ground with a horrified frown, cursing to himself as he started to dig, looking closely. When he finally found you, he placed you on his hand with a frown, looking at how you moved against his fingertips. He wanted to cry a little, he really didn't know what to do.

• He's placing you under his hat. Usually he'd find worms or maggots gross as hell, and if he was going to be honest he still found you gross, but it was you, so...

• Then he rushes back to base, the panicked look on his face never leaving him. He alerts all the other mercs, making a huge fuss over how, you're a worm now, and they need to help him get back at merasmus to turn him back.

He's holding you in his palm, and you're just wiggling around like nothing is wrong cause you're a worm now. And the rest of the mercs look at him like he's crazy.

• Spy, Sniper, Medic, and Heavy are convinced he's lying. Demo believes him a little since he's experienced Merasmus' antics. Soldier automatically believes him fully since the worms there, but you're not, so that must be you. Engineer is just trying to keep the peace, trying to calm scout down, but it doesn't work as no one is listening to him.

• The team is skeptical, thinking that this is some elaborate prank and that, you're just out for a couple hours. But when you don't return tomorrow for the fight, or return after, that raises some suspicions on where you are.

• Ms. Pauling doesn't know where you are either. So is it true? Are you really the worm?

• A meeting is held, everyone stands around the rounded table, the light shining down on you. You're in your little wormy home, slithering and worming your way through life, forgetting your identity, eating leaves and sleeping in dirt.

The mercs watch as you're doing your worm thing.

Engineer clears his throat, making the attention go to him. He turns to Scout, and the confusion in his voice is evident as he speaks.

"Scout, you're absolutely positive that, this worm is (y/n)?"

Scout responds with an aggresive nod, the slight panic and frustration shown in his expression.

"I told you, its them! I saw it happen with my own two eyes, Merasmus found em, they got zapped and poof- they're a worm! A freakin' worm!"

• The team continues to look at you, so peaceful, so calm, being a worm. They don't know why, but, now it was much easier to believe him. The worm was just like you, chill and...cool...and awesome...and wow... amazing..

"So...what? They're just a worm now?"

Sniper said, picking up the jar you were in, looking at you curiously.

"I don't think they'll be too happy stuck like that."

Engineer spoke once again, "If they got turned into a worm, there's...probably a way to turn em' back, right?"

• That was enough to bring hope to Scout's mind. Of course! That was it, if he could find Merasmus and maybe force convince him to turn you back, everything would be okay! All his sadness had dissipated, and he was quick to start making plans.

• So they did, the team would go hunting for Merasmus, and make him turn you back. In the meantime, they'd take turns taking care of you.

• Scout liked to hang out with you, pretending like it was just like before, where you and him would sip sodas together and talk about anything and everything. He'd pour some soda in the dirt you were in, not really caring of the consequences and thinking everything was the same with you two. He really missed having someone to talk to, though.

"Man, I hope you can hear me. It'll be like, super fuckin' weird if I've been talking to you and you're not even in there.."

• Pyro wouldn't really see a difference. That sounds mean, but its really nothing personal. Though now that you were a worm, you weren't as scared as them as you usually were. They'd sit you down, with their plushies, having a nice tea party, watching carefully as you'd just slither about as a worm.

• Soldier was...confused. You, who once was a brave and selfless fighter, was now a worm. It fascinated him and scared him at the same time. He'd get awkward around you, wondering if you remembered him. He'd talk to you mostly, sometimes petting you...He'd try to.

"EVEN IF YOU'RE A WORM, YOU'RE STILL STRONG TO ME!"

"...You're still in there aren't you?"

• Demo wouldn't really know what to do with you either. He finds it kinda funny how you got turned into a worm. Unlike Scout or Soldier, he doesn't really panic, knowing you'll probably be fine, worm or not. He does miss having you to talk to, like scout. Sometimes he'd just be in the living room, and you'd be by the table in your little jar. He'd just watch curiously, but wouldn't really do anything.

• Same thing goes for Sniper. He legit doesn't really know what to do or say. But, he is a little afraid that you won't turn back into a person. Unlike Scout, he found that you weren't 100% obnoxious or annoying, someone to have chill conversations with after battle. He'd keep watch over you, letting you sit with him as he's chilling on top of his van. Sometimes he'd even bring you out with him in battles as he's camping out enemies during fights. He always makes sure you're safe, though.

• Heavy really liked you. He found you someone worth talking to, and a solid member of the team, so it was a bit jarring to see you turned into a worm. He'd keep his hopes up, though, talking to you like normal. Sometimes he'd watch you like Demo did, curious about you and your little world. It was weirdly calming, after battles he'd be worn out, and when he'd see you worming your way through leaves and dirt, it relieved him a little.

• Engie was a little off put by it, the same way soldier felt. You're just...a worm now? Huh. He doesn't really know what to say to that. Medic and him share the same thought, and that thought is, are you concious? Are you aware that you're a worm? Or are you mindless?

They can't help but think of it that way, in a practical sense. Medic would have to hide you from archimedes and the rest of his doves, who would love to eat you at any given chance.

Sometimes they'd do tests on you. Nothing painful or dramatic but, tests to see if you're still in there. They're really overthinking it.

Engie likes having you in his workshop late at night, makes him feel less alone when you're just worming. Medic keeps you at a distance, just to make sure he doesn't lose you or, have one of his doves eat you.

• Spy, is, kind of grossed out. Nobody has a close relationship with him. He did have a lot of respect for you, both on and off the battlefield. You were just a decent human being who he found a liking to, now you're...a worm. A gross, slimy worm.

He never let you into his smoking room, actually he never even let you out of your jar. He liked you, respected you, but liked you more as a person.

He feels pity, honestly, and just wants you to either be out of his way, or back to normal.

• When you do eventually turn back into a worm, they're all pretty glad. They all have questions, ranging from "Were you really in there? Like were you- aware?" And then "Was it nice being a worm?"

I'm sure you can tell who's asking which question and such.

○●○●○

this what comic 7 leak does to a person

[wisteriaiswriting]

Mercs as Parents Headcanons

Words: 2379

Jeremy either takes after his mother and is the absolute top tier caretaker, or just like Spy and can’t do shit for you.

He doesn’t even realize how many skills he has picked up from his Ma growing up.

Will spoil you with everything he can get his hands on. (Tries his best to make sure you don’t grow up similarly to how he did.)

Every chance he gets he’ll bring you along to meet his Ma and brothers, so your Grandma and uncles, alongside any cousins that come along.

Really enjoys going on morning jogs with you, but if that isn’t your thing he’ll play some baseball with you.

***

If he was being honest, cooking wasn’t one of his favourite activities. But if and whenever you asked he never minded, actually excited to do this for you. Reminding him of his Ma, which led him to messaging her for recipes to use in the future, helping him for today's breakfast.

Looking many times at the pancake recipe sent over from her, they were basic buttermilk but there were plenty of toppings stashed away. He managed to get a decent pile finished before another merc entered the kitchen, not needing to turn to know who it was.

“THERE'S THE SMELL OF A CLASSIC AMERICAN BREAKFAST!”

“Yeah, yeah, there ya go pal.”

Reaching over to the plate to grab the top pancakes, ignoring the heat to throw them right at Soldier. Who caught them, cramming the first one into his mouth while tearing the other one apart to give to his raccoons. When it was finished the group of them rushed out, leaving Scout and you together again.

Within minutes the rest of the batter was cooked, the stack of pancakes were separated onto two plates. Sliding them across the table, meaning you had to grab both so they wouldn’t go sliding off. While he dug through the pantry, grabbing any types of syrups and toppings he could find.

Walking back over to you and letting everything drop onto the table, sitting down himself before reaching for the sugar.

“Eat up, don’t want any of ‘em going to waste. Ma would’a whooped any of us kids for wastin’ that!”

Guess you’re American now. Solly will not listen, and doesn’t really care what you say about it.

Keep him away from the kitchen, he cannot make the simplest of meals that are not MRE’s.

Just because he gave you the title of Sergeant doesn’t mean he’ll go easy on you in training, if anything he has you train harder.

Is very quick to get you ‘matching’ uniforms. (He claims it’s a Sergeant’s uniform but there’s really no difference.)

Will gladly get you your own raccoon. (Likely you’ll have to name it as he’ll give it the dumbest and most American name.)

***

The lot of you had just finished eatting dinner, allowing everyone to go off and do whatever they wanted. Which meant Soldier had gone somewhere doing something, either way at the moment you didn’t care what he was doing.

Until a loud, constant knocking started on your door, continuing ‘til you opened the door, finding the very man standing there all proud. In his, now scratched up and bleeding arms was a very unhappy raccoon. It was throwing itself around, screaming or whatever noise raccoons made.

Lieutenant Bites scampered around his feet, screeching back at the one in his arms before rushing into your room.

“SERGEANT, MEET THE NEWEST RECRUIT, UH… What's your name?”

His shouting quieted down for a few seconds to ask it, not that it’ll actually answer him. Only letting go when he noticed something in its mouth, holding it closer to find a finger. Confused until you shouted at him.

“SOLLY, IT BIT OFF YOUR FINGER!”

“OH!”

Not caring as the raccoon ran off into your room as well, rushing to grab the finger and bring him all the way to Medic.

No one is really sure who is caring for who at this point, and you don’t think the two of you know either.

They’re constantly dedicating and giving you drawings and plushies whenever you need them or even just when they feel like it.

Very often visits Engineer about anything and everything really, not that he ever minds the company. (Engineer feels like a very proud grandpa everytime Pyro comes by.)

It’s much easier and better if Pyro doesn’t cook, although they can make any easy to eat / make meals, so you won't ever starve.

If anyone ever tries to mess with you, they’ll have to go through Pyro first.

***

Pyro wanted to colour with someone, and with Engineer busy they wandered around to find you. Their first stop was your room, but with no luck finding you they walked around until they reached the living area. About to launch themselves over when they noticed how you were sitting, hunched over with your head dropped into your hands.

A few seconds passed before they moved again, rushing out of the room all the way back to their own. Grabbing one of their many plushies before returning, slowly approaching you. The familiar sight of Pyro didn’t phase you, nor did them sitting next to you.

What did surprise you was a plushie pushed into your arms.

The soft animal shouldn’t have brought you to tears but it did, wrapping your arms around it while holding it closer to you. Pyro had already placed their colouring book and supplies down, quickly wrapping their arms around you to pull you closer. You felt the cold material of their mask gently sit on your head as a faint, muffled hum could be heard.

He knows he isn’t the ‘parently’ type of man, it definitely didn’t help that everyone else said the same thing.

If you don’t like him drinking he’ll try to slow down, he really does and means well, but considering him and his body it’s quite hard to do.

Whether you ask him or not, at some point he’ll start going on about anything that comes to his mind, which can range from simple Scottish myths and legends to past situations he’s been in.

Is quite reluctant to let you meet his mother at all. (Even if she bullies him, she knows him well. Realizing how much he cares for you, so she cuts you some slack, not Demo though.)

He doesn’t care one bit about where you’re from or what language you speak, he will teach you some Scottish slang, and even some of the language itself.

***

You weren’t sure if the timing of your death was good or not, but either way it meant you didn’t have to walk all the way back to base. Able to have all your weapons and other accessories put away before any of the others returned, expecting Scout to come rushing through the door.

Finding out why when the door opened, seeing Demo slumped on his shoulder, arm thrown aross Scout. Eagerly chatting away while the younger merc barely spoke back, until he saw you.

“Y/N, back already?”

At your name Demo stood on his own, only for a few seconds though, collapsing onto you while using his empty hand to ruffle your hair.

“Y/N, laddie! Did I ever finish tellin’ ye about the…” Taking a quick drink of his scrumpy, “The selkie I ran into, a bit ago?”

Out of all the mercs he actually knows the most due to caring for his sisters.

There are times he will baby you, so you’ll need to let him know when it’s going too far so he backs off.

Most nights, if not all, are spent with him reading you books and reciting russian legends. (If you don’t understand Russian, he’ll spend time trying to translate them for you.)

If he ever finds out you aren’t eating properly he’ll spend hours cooking meals for you everyday if needed. (Proudly makes his mother’s recipes.)

He’s another person who keeps a close eye on your during battles, and tries to keep you near him and Medic.

***

The room was filled with the smell of cooked meat and vegetables, you sat at the dining table while Heavy stood in the kitchen. Soon a bowl was placed infront of you before he walked away again, it was a clear liquid with chopped up meat,

“That is Ukha, soup with fish.” Looking up at him, still waiting for the oven to finish. “This is Shashlik,” When it finally did finish he pulled the tray out, dumping the meat onto two plates. “Meat served on sticks.”

“They’re not on sticks though?”

Laughing at your words, placing the full plates on the table before opening a box next to him, pulling out said sticks.

“Here, sent all the way from Siberia.” Taking the plates to stab multiple bits of meat onto them, sliding the finished meal over to you when he was done. “As I work, eat, you need to grow stronger.”

Dell is probably the best parental figure out of the nine of them.

He gives you all the petnames he can think of. (Alongside Pyro, who has become your new sibling.)

Allows you two to sit and spend time in his workshop while he’s working, but gave you special permission to stay in there without him. (Which is a huge privilege only given to one other person.)

He puts anything of yours at the top of his priority list.

Tries to keep a close eye on you during any fights, if possible he keeps you close to him or his sentry.

Lil extra here - He has given you and Pyro kinda matching petnames. You’re ‘Sugar’ while Pyro is ‘Honey.’

***

Dell was busy working on his next project, which neither you or Pyro currently cared about. Both of you were focused on your drawing, spending nearly half an hour switching colours, even starting over once before finally finishing.

Clapping their hands after standing up, you added your final details as Pyro caught Dell’s attention.

“What’s up Honey?” Pointing back to you as you walked over, holding the paper behind your back. “Sugar?”

Swiftly placing it into his hands, unable to see much of his reaction has his goggles covered his eyes. Soon after he pulled them off, letting you both see his teary eyes.

“Aren’t you two sweet as pie…” All three of you knew how sweet you were, considering your petnames. “C’mere…”

Welcoming you both over into his embrace, carefully placing the drawing safely behind him on his desk.

Special dove privileges, you swear he might also be one with the amount of time he spends cooing over you.

He takes extra care during your surgeries, promising not to mess with anything he doesn’t need to.

Speaking of surgeries, if you ever feel like assisting him in any he will gladly welcome you. (The others are kinda scared though.)

You and Heavy are at the top of his priority list, on and off the battlefield.

He is a massive hypocrite, because if you dare mess one meal he will be on your ass about it.

***

While he was focused on some work, Archimedes had managed to slip out of the infirmary. Not realizing until hours later, when calling out didn’t reveal the bird he rushed around trying to find her.

Eventually he realized she must’ve left the room so he had to go searching, and luckily he didn’t need to search for long. Turning a corner and nearly running into you,

“Ah, Y/N, zere is a small problem…”

“Missing Archimedes?” Holding out your arms as you spoke, “Cause she came looking for me.”

He paused for a few seconds, taking in the sight.

“Aren’t you two just adorable!”

It is petnames galore! At first he might seem embarrassed but quickly embraces them. (Main ones are Roo, Joey, Chick and just adding lil onto them.)

He actually had good (adoptive) parents, so he knows how to do most things.

Doesn’t mean to, but he’s a slight helicopter parent. Keeps you in his scope and all around view.

Will give you a key and free access to his camper van.

***

This man is another massive hypocrite, he makes sure you’re getting enough sleep, eating well and staying healthy. (If you bother him back enough, he will do the same alongside you.)

It wasn’t new to not see Sniper having meals with the team, opting to spend that time in his camper. So he normally came by before it started, but today he was a bit behind. Walking into the room towards the counter, grabbing his plate before making his way back out.

Walking behind you, lightly patting your head.

“Come on, Roo.”

He didn’t wait for you, walking out as you scrambled to grab everything. Finding him standing at the main door to go outside, continuing when you reached him. The walk to his camper was quick but it was a comfortable silence.

Which was cut short when you both got comfortable inside, filling the air with laughter and conversation.

You should feel lucky that Scout isn’t aware of the relation between him and Spy, otherwise there would be a real one sided competition.

Please give him a break, he’s old and is nowhere near good at parental things.

Constantly leaving you all types of gifts in your room whenever you either mention wanting something, or he thinks you might enjoy it.

Gives you every petname he can think of (English and French), and at this point you think he might’ve forgotten your name.

He definitely tries to teach you french, praising you if you pick it up quickly while holding conversations.

***

“Qu'est-ce que j'ai dit sur le fait de surveiller ses arrières?”

"Qu'il faut toujours être sur ses gardes..."

Spy was cut off by the sound of the door opening, looking over to find Scout standing in the doorway. He was clearly unprepared to find Spy in here, willingly talking to you much less.

“What's uh, going on here?”

"Nous pouvons dire qui est le meilleur enfant."

It took you a minute to realize what he was saying, and with a smug look from him it clicked. Sending you into a full blown laughter, while Scout was confused.

“What’s wrong with you two?”

***

"What did I say about watching your back?"

"You always have to be on your guard..."

"We can tell who the best child is."

[demoman-kisser420]

Cuddling headcanons for the mercs <3

(All nine❤️)

Medic

This man loves to hold you istg he will just hold you to his chest and play with your hair as yall fall asleep

Sniper

Definitely a spooning guy if yall are sleeping in his van there's limited space and he's just adapted to sleeping on his side

Heavy

This man LOVES holding you like you will sleep on him he wraps his arms around you and reads as you fall asleep on him

Demoman

This man Definitely will just rest his head on your chest as he falls asleep he likes when you pet him slighty

Soldier

Definitely like demoman but also likes to protect you so he likes it either way he won't fall asleep before you at all like his brain won't let him

Engineer

Loves spooning and he will rub your thighs or back before you guys go to sleep also wouldn't be apposed to sleeping in between you thighs

Pyro

They love to hold you as you sleep like they won't let go at all the mask comes off during sleep they like when you trace there burn scars (I'm going off the unofficial pyro face by valve)

Scout

This man loves you laying on his chest it makes him feel confident that he can protect you he will play with your hair till you fall asleep

Spy

He's a romantic guy so really he wants you to lay on his chest but he also like spooning he's always gonna be the big spoon btw he wispers French as yall fall asleep

(I think I'm getting better but If you spot some spelling mistakes I'm sorry)

[koifish67]

Meeting the mercs parents

Gn reader

Note:I only did the ones with parents we’ve seen or heard about, so this is kinda short

Scout

When he calls his mom if she wants to meet you she SCREAMS she’s so excited!

The drive over he talks about growing up and what it was like.

“Mom this is my-

“OH MY GOODNESS MY BABY HAS SAID SO MUCH ABOUT YOU”

Shows you baby pictures of him and you to giggle while he sits there embarrassed.

Lots of mom hugs every time you come over

He got a decent sized family in the middle of fucking know where

Traveled for hours in the snow to get there. (Heavy carried you most of the time)

His mom and sisters love you, a lil sus of you at first but they quickly warmed up to you.

“So when’s the wedding?”

“Sooner than later”

“Huh”

His mom is so sweet oh my god

“Mama this is heavy’s lover”

“Aw hello dear!”

Teasing from his sisters

Sniper

He was excited for you to meet his parents

His parents are literally so sweet

His mom shows you around the farm while his dad and him catch up. It’s really nice.

His mom teaches you how to make desserts and shows you his baby pictures

His dad tells you stories about how he was growing up

[robin374]

TF2 MASTERLIST AND RULES

Rules:

NO: incest, suicide, adult x child (romantically), NSFW (I don't do it anymore)...

YES: Romantic, platonic, male x male, female x female, female x male, trans, gender neutral (I mostly write this)...

Just 3 or 4 characters, please :)

Masterlist

"Dont go please" || Sniper, Scout, Medic

Sniper with a S/O who doesn't mind his behaviour

Sniper with a S/O who's into skincare and fashion

Mercs reacting to a spider in their room || Engie, Scout, Sniper

Cuddling with Sniper

Mercs with a siren S/O || Sniper, Demo, Soldier

Mercs with a short S/O || Medic, Sniper

Mercs with a Spider-Person S/O || Medic, Demo, Scout, Sniper, Spy

Drunk confession to Sniper

Mercs with a S/O who gives gifts but hates receiving them

Sniper relationship headcanons

Mercs listening to their S/O rambling about their hyperfixation || Engie, Medic, Pyro, Sniper

Mercs with an energetic, loud and animal lover daughter || Heavy, Engie, Sniper

One Bed trope || Medic, Soldier, Sniper

Being Tag-Teamed by Spy and Sniper

Demo x Reader x Sniper

Interrogation gone wrong (NSFW) || Engie, Medic, Sniper, Spy

Aquarium date with Sniper

"Dont go please" Sniper, Scout, Medic x reader

Mercs reacting to a spider in their room || Engie, Scout, Sniper

Jealous Scout

Dancing with the mercs at a disco || Scout, Demo, Medic

Mercs with a Spider-Person S/O || Medic, Demo, Scout, Sniper, Spy

Mercs with a S/O who gives gifts but hates receiving them

One Bed trope || Scout, Demo, Engie

Scout with a Streamer/Youtuber S/O

Taking care of Scout || FemDom! Reader

S/O with ADHD || Scout, Medic, Soldier, Engie

Mercs reacting to a spider in their room || Engie, Scout, Sniper

Mercs walking you home while raining || Engie, Spy

Mercs with a S/O who gives gifts but hates receiving them

Mercs listening to their S/O rambling about their hyperfixation || Engie, Medic, Pyro, Sniper

Mercs with an energetic, loud and animal lover daughter || Heavy, Engie, Sniper

One Bed trope || Scout, Demo, Engie

Engie with a Male!S/O who's bad at math

Mercs reacting to their crush singing their fav song || Heavy, Medic, Engie

Interrogation gone wrong (NSFW) || Engie, Medic, Sniper, Spy

Engie x Male!Reader || NSFW

Lying in an interrogation || Engie, Spy, Medic

S/O with ADHD || Scout, Medic, Soldier, Engie

"Dont go please" Sniper, Scout, Medic x Reader

"I lost my vision" "They lost their vision" Medic x Reader

Dancing with the mercs at a disco || Scout, Demo, Medic

Mercs with a short S/O || Medic, Sniper

Mercs with a Spider-Person S/O || Medic, Demo, Scout, Sniper, Spy

Mercs with a S/O who gives gifts but hates receiving them

Mercs listening to their S/O rambling about their hyperfixation || Engie, Medic, Pyro, Sniper

One Bed trope || Medic, Soldier, Sniper

Mercs reacting to their crush singing their fav song || Heavy, Medic, Engie

Interrogation gone wrong (NSFW) || Engie, Medic, Sniper, Spy

Lying in an interrogation || Engie, Spy, Medic

The Violinist's Dance || Medic x Reader

S/O with ADHD || Scout, Medic, Soldier, Engie

Soldier flirting with Fem!Reader

Mercs with a siren S/O || Sniper, Demo, Soldier

One Bed trope || Medic, Soldier, Sniper

S/O with ADHD || Scout, Medic, Soldier, Engie

Mercs with a siren S/O || Sniper, Demo, Soldier

Dancing with the mercs at a disco || Scout, Demo, Medic

Mercs with a Spider-Person S/O || Medic, Demo, Scout, Sniper, Spy

One Bed trope || Scout, Demo, Engie

Demo x Reader x Sniper

Demoman with radio announcer/host S/O

Mercs with an energetic, loud and animal lover daughter || Heavy, Engie, Sniper

One Bed trope || Spy, Pyro, Heavy

Mercs reacting to their crush singing their fav song || Heavy, Medic, Engie

Mercs walking you home while raining || Engie, Spy

Mercs with a Spider-Person S/O || Medic, Demo, Scout, Sniper, Spy

One Bed trope || Spy, Pyro, Heavy

Being Tag-Teamed by Spy and Sniper

Interrogation gone wrong (NSFW) || Engie, Medic, Sniper, Spy

Lying in an interrogation || Engie, Spy, Medic

Mercs listening to their S/O rambling about their hyperfixation || Engie, Medic, Pyro, Sniper

One Bed trope || Spy, Pyro, Heavy

Miss Pauling with a chaotic S/O

Nothing Yet!!

[jermer10]

hiiii I love love love ur writing sm !! do u think u would mind like. doing the trope where reader and merc get stuck in like a reaaaally teeny locker/closet/box etc and like basically have to be cuddling the whole time?? any mercs u want but I'd esp love scout, Sniper, and soldier :3 <3<3

TF2 forced confinement

gn reader, suggestive | wait i love this ask

includes: scout, soldier, sniper

drabbles under the cut :P

Scout: - The second the door closes, trapping the two of you inside, Scout freaks out - “Oh man, oh man, we’re stuck in here! What’re we supposed to do?” - "We'll just have to wait for them to come and get us." You grimace - He can’t stop blushing the moment he realizes just how close you are, he’s trying to act cool, but his face is beet red, and he can’t seem to meet your eyes - He keeps shifting, trying to get comfortable without, you know, touching you too much, but it’s a tiny closet, so he’s got no choice but to be practically on top of you - Every time he accidentally bumps into you, he mutters, “Sorry, sorry,” like it’s the end of the world - To cover up how flustered he is, Scout starts talking. A lot. “This closet’s so freakin’ small, huh? Like, who even makes closets this tiny? I mean, what’re people even supposed to keep in here? Brooms? Ha! Weird, right?” - You ease up at the realization that he's just as awkward about this as you are - After a few minutes, he tries to act like he’s totally cool with the situation - He’ll awkwardly drape an arm around you, trying to make it seem casual, but his heartbeat is way too fast, and he can’t stop glancing at you to see if you’re uncomfortable. “We’re cool, right? Yeah, totally cool.” - He is obviously, not cool - Eventually, the awkwardness turns into something a little more comfortable - He’ll laugh at how ridiculous the situation is, maybe even teasing, “Bet ya didn’t expect to spend the day stuck in a closet with me, huh?”

Soldier: - When the door slams shut, Soldier isn’t fazed at first - He just stands there, arms crossed, as if being stuck in a tiny closet with you is totally normal - “This is nothing. I’ve been in tighter spaces during training!” he declares with full confidence - But once you’re both standing way too close for comfort, even Soldier starts to feel the awkwardness - You’re practically chest-to-chest, and he can’t ignore it anymore. “Ah… this is… strategically inconvenient,” he mutters, his bravado slipping a little - Soldier tries to stay as still as possible, his body rigid as he avoids making too much contact - He won’t admit it, but he’s extremely uncomfortable being in such close quarters with you—not because he doesn’t like it, but because he likes it too much - After a while, Soldier starts to relax (as much as he can). If the two of you are sitting or huddling together, he’ll instinctively wrap an arm around you in a protective way, as if guarding you from the cramped space itself - He won’t acknowledge it, though - just gives a gruff, “Stay still, it’s more efficient.” - Soldier keeps trying to frame the situation like a tactical operation. “We must conserve space. Stay close. No sudden movements,” he’ll say, his voice serious, but inside, he’s silently praying you don’t notice how his heart is pounding from being so close to you - As time passes, Soldier’s stiff demeanor softens, and he might even say something like, “You are… not a bad person to be stuck with in combat—or a closet.” It’s the closest thing to a compliment he’ll give, but it’s sincere

Sniper: - The moment the door closes, trapping you both inside, Sniper freezes - He’s not someone who’s used to physical closeness, and now you’re practically on top of him in this tiny closet - his first instinct is to go completely silent - Sniper tries to move around in the cramped space without invading your personal bubble, but it’s impossible - Every time your knees or shoulders brush against each other, he stiffens, his face heating up. “Uh, sorry ‘bout that…” he mumbles, barely able to look at you - He’s incredibly polite, despite being obviously flustered - “I’ll, uh, try not to get too close, if I can help it…” but then he realizes how ridiculous that sounds, given the size of the closet, and he just shuts his mouth, embarrassed - Sniper leans back against the wall, trying to stay calm, but his heart is racing, and he’s hyper-aware of every tiny movement you make - Sniper doesn’t say much, but if you get uncomfortable or need to shift around, he’s quick to make sure you’re okay. “Here, move this way—it’ll be more comfortable,” he’ll offer, gently guiding you into a better position, even though it means getting closer to you - After a while, the tension dies down a bit, and he might quietly admit, “I’m, uh, not used to this sorta thing. But… I don’t mind, bein’ close to ya.” His voice is soft, and he’s looking away, but you can tell he means it

[2frosty4you]

Crushing on You [Soldier Headcanons]

Soldier x Fem!reader | 427 words | Masterlist | Ask/Request

Big thanks to the no.1 solider lover (my gf) for beta reading and helping me add some stuff to this <3

╒═══════════════════╕

➼ Either he falls in love INSTANTLY or he doesn't at all.

➼ Soldier is Soldier, he isn't going to waste time with someone who doesn't like America, can't fend for themselves or can't bounce off of his energy.

➼ If you're strong, can fend for yourself and he saw you snap a mans neck, great! he's super in love.

➼ But if you ALSO love his raccoons he is proposing on the spot, with the head of an enemy spy.

➼ When he starts to like you, you will know instantly. This man has no shame in shouting confessions across the battle field, mid rocket jump and landing in front of you with both of his legs broken.

➼ Scout would attempt to tell you that soldier is in love with you, and you'd sigh and just say.

"I know"

➼ He'd charge into the enemy team, yelling his battle cry and will return to you with many trinkets (BODY PARTS) (pls accept them)

➼ If you get killed on the field he'd get revenge so fast, and march over to you with the head, salute and rocket jump away.

➼ He NEEDS you to celebrate the 4th of July with him, he'll give you clothes caked in the American flag, force you out to watch the fireworks and sit around as Engie and him tend the barbecue.

➼ If you love his raccoons (which you must) hell get them into the base even if medic is yelling at him as they invade the medbay because they bit scout 36 times (and counting)

➼ Soldier is kind of easy to fluster.

➼ But its in his own kind of way, if you're pocketing him he'll be all flustered and proud of himself in being worthy of a pocket.

➼ But if you're just aiding him in team wiping, keeping the enemy corpses in place as he decapitates them. Well he'll be burning red when you offer to help him with his strange hobby. (even carrying some back if he cant hold them all)

➼ Will follow you around, like some rabid guard dog

➼ Takes you to a real American bar, think a large ox head on the wall. American flags on the wall. He'd order the most disgusting beer and you'd sit beside him until another man comes up trying to get your number.

➼ It literally no time he breaks that bottle and dives at the man, starting bar fight after bar fight (you two are banned from so many bars, like SO many)

╘═══════════════════╛

Posted 5.03.2024 Tag list: @therobloxmafia

[downundergarfield]

hello! may i request a s/o that loves to give hugs and kiss to mercenaries? i think it would be cute!!(thank you in advance!)

Hiii, lovely anon! Here's what I came up with!

I've tried to follow a certain pattern. First, hugs in front of everyone, the second kisses in front of everyone and the third - kisses and hugs in private, hope you enjoy

S/O who loves to give hugs and kisses to mercs

Scout ⚾

- He's surprised every time you hug him, he giggles and hugs you back. He is a very loving boy!

- Jeremy blushes deeply every time you kiss him. He screams and hides his face in his cap if you do it in front of everyone. "-AAH, Stop, Y/N, im not cute!!"

- when you kiss him alone, he turns into melted cheese and spreads in pleasure while you caress his cheeks and lips. He loves kissing you. He misses it so much. You fill his need for love with your love and hugs and kisses

Soldier 🦅

- He always says that real soldiers don't need these endearments. But when you hug him in spite of this, he hugs you tighter than anything! The soldier is proud of you and will tell everyone that only he has the right to hug you. He loves it when you hug him patting his broad back.

- When you kiss this noisy American, he becomes even more noisy "- SHE/HE/THEY KISSED ME!!!! EVERYONE!!!! KISSED ME, ONLY MEEE HAHAHAAAA". He is so proud that you love to caress him that way

- in private, he loves your kisses and will kiss back, not letting go for a long time, because he really likes your lips. He will hug you like a pillow, putting his legs up at yours and all that

Pyro 🔥

- They love all that! So they will hug you back, tight, tight, maybe even tighter than you yourself, because they are absolutely happy to hug you

-You kiss them in a gas mask when they gently touch your cheeks with a filter, imitating a kiss. They are not shy about it in public, at all!

- Pyro is a big hugger, when you hang out alone, draw or play, they will hug you very often, and moo happily when you hug them back. They are not hungry for touch, they just really like it.

Demoman 💣

- he breaks into a satisfied smile every time you hug him. He adores your tactility and love of hugs.

- When he is sober, he will only blush a little and be embarrassed, smiling and looking away "-ooh, Laddy, come on, not in front of everyone..."

But when he is in his usual condition, as soon as you kiss him on the cheek, he will firmly grab and kiss you on the lips in response.

- of course he will hug you back in private. When you are alone, he turns into the most loving person in the world, you often lie in an embrace glued together like two dumplings while he showers your forehead with kisses.

Heavy 🐻

- it's hard not to hug him, isn't it? The big, stern Siberian loves it when you hug him. He often hugs you back, hugging you tightly with his big hands.

- he blushes when you kiss him in front of everyone. But he smiles and pats you on the head "-milaya, not at work...you make me blush"

- when you are alone, he likes to put you on his lap and read you different books, sometimes he translates books from Russian for you, kisses the top of your head and hugs you tightly.

Engineer 🔧

- this Texan doesn't mind hugging you back. He loves it when you hug him and will gladly hug you back. He is not embarrassed when you hug him in front of everyone, he is happy to show the others that you are happy to be together

- If you kiss him in front of everyone, he will blush and laugh good-naturedly, kissing you back. Even if it's at work, just be careful and choose the right moment.

- In private, he likes it when you hug him. He thinks it's cute when you take off his hardhat to kiss him on the forehead. He likes to cuddle with you on his mechanical chair

Medic 💉

- When you hug him in front of everyone, he becomes the happiest person in the world. He will willingly hug you back.

- if you kiss him, he will blush and will vigorously ask for more. He likes the shape, texture and taste of your lips. Especially on his own lips

- in private, he will be so happy with your hugs. He likes to walk with his bare hands on your back counting every rib and praising you for your lovely body every time.

Sniper 🏹

- Try to catch the moment when this guy will be in front of everyone. But if you hug him at some general meeting, he will blush and hide it under his hat. The sniper will not move until the end of the meeting, so as not to scare you away, so that you continue to hug him.

- if you kiss him at the meeting. Dude, you'll make him blush deeply and hide behind a hat until the very end

"- Y/n. Its a wrong time, drongo."

- damn it, private, he will beat you in the love of hugs. He literally won't let go of you. This man is a real professional in hugging. Be sure, sometimes, private, he will just pile on you about and without, hugging for hours. He loves to kiss you, he will kiss you even more than you. He's so happy that you love it all too.

"-This is what I needed, Roo..."

Spy 🍷

- you like to hug him in front of everyone because he reacts to it, so snobbish "-Y/N, stop. You will rumple my suit.." he will look away and push you away a little, trying not to offend. It's a pity that his ski mask hides his blush

- if you kiss him in front of everyone (of course, if you manage to catch the moment when he is without a cigarette in his mouth), he will cover his face with his hands. "-Oh, please, not in front of everyone, je t'en prie..."

- in private, he discards it all. Alone, he won't let go of your lips and will kiss and hug you for all the things you teased him with all day.

He smells of cigarettes and wine. What happens in his smoking room is not worth comparing with what happens in front of everyone

[leorawright]

TF2 mercs reaction to s/o going, "I can hold the whole world in my hands! *Softly cups lover's face*"

That's adorable

Mercs reaction to their s/o cupping their face

Scout

He acts all tough at first but when you top it all off by saying "see? I can hold the world in my hands"

You've done it. You've killed Scout

His face erupts in a blush and he turns his face to hide in your palms

HOW ARE YOU SO CUTE ITS UNFAIR

Soldier

He's super confused because how can you hold the world your hands are much to small???

You're gonna have to explain the meaning to him

Then when he realizes you're calling him your world he's blushing like mad

Now it's a daily thing where you two take turns cupping each other's faces

Demoman

No hesitation he melts into your hands

He's giggling and blushing from your words

For the rest of the day your words never leave his mind and his smile never leaves his face

It's now one of his favorite things when you cup his face

Pyro

They're internally dying of happiness as their hands go to yours in order to keep you cupping their face

How are you so cute it's adorable❤️❤️❤️

Under their mask their smile is so wide and you can practically feel the warmth of their blush

Heavy

First of all good luck with this hunk of a man

It's gonna take a but of convincing to get him to lean down

But he doesn't regret his decision

He's surprised by your actions and the phrase but he's never felt so loved before

Medic

He goes silent for a second with his eyes wide open

But then he'll giggle and go "Oh you" before absolutely melting into your affection

He wasn't expecting you to call him your world but he'd be lying if he said it didn't make his heart swell with love

Sniper

Ohhh blushy embarrassed boi

He's already blushy from the affection but you calling him your world effectively shuts down his brain function

He cannot process the love or his emense amount of happiness right now

Spy

He'll chuckle and call you "such a charmer"

But as soon as you walk away he's silently tearing up

He's never had anyone call him their world with such love in their voice

You best believe he's telling you how much he loves you for the rest of the day

[prettyboypistol]

How mercs would react after having a wet dream

TF2 Mercs' Wet Dreams! ||TF2 x M!Reader|| +18 obviously

Scout

He imagines you shirtless and on his bed all cheesy porno style, you coax him over and pull him to the bed, kissing over his chest and murmuring about just how badly you need him.

He loves dreaming about you riding him and sucking him off, especially when you suffocate him in your chest and hold him close.

He has a recurring dream of you breathing heavily, panting out "Scout, Scout! Scout!" as you jerk yourself off as you ride.

Cums in his sleep and jerks off in the morning, sneaking away to wash the sheets early that morning.

Soldier

Solly is inspecting your dress code and orders you to attention for the formal inspection.

"Private! Will you do anything for your country?" "Sir, Yessir!" "No matter the cost, will you defend this base?!" "Sir, Yessir!" His voice a little quieter, yet slightly commanding as he leans into you. "Then show your major just how much you need his lead."

God, he loves imagining you in formal military dress as you kneel before him, praising his battle tactics and mouth full of dick.

Doesn't cum in his sleep, but it's a 70-30 shot that he'll grunt your name into his pillow as he ruts against his mattress.

Pyro

They imagine you as an angel, dawned in gloarious robes and with a halo and wings. Pyro isn't worthy- not a monster like them that can barely stay sane- yet you invite them forward and kiss their mask's forehead as you hike up your robe to expose yourself. "It's alright darling, you can touch me."

Secretly, Pyro wants to deflower you. They know you're probably not a virgin, but the idea of spoiling your virginity is so hot to them. The first one to touch your body, the first one to ruin you.

Pyro kneels and nuzzles your thighs in reverence as they touch you the way they desire. Their touches leave purple-black marks wherever they touch, actually staining you with sin. They feel so guilty about ruining an angel like you, but you're allowing them to!

Pyro does cum in their sleep, whimpering and writhing against their suit.

Demoman

Tavish's wet dreams start out like normal dreams- in a bar, drinking his heart out back in Scotland with his friends. Then he sees you from across the room. You give him a look that invites him over as you bite your bottom lip.

"Hey there sexy, you look like you could use some company." You flirt, petting Demoman's bicep. Tavish laughs and escorts you to the back of the bar, magically turned into a nicer bedroom as he lays you down.

It's a bit of a haze, but Tavish remembers thrusting into you and imagining how tight you mush be, he dreams about fingering you open with the hilt of eyelander if he's feeling a little fantasy-based rather than in the year of the lord 1971.

Sometimes he dreams of you fucking him, and those are the dreams that wake him up to stained sheets.

Heavy

In the cold russian nights, you knock on the door asking for a place to stay. Mikhail ushers you in and offers you a warm bath, which you graciously accept. Little do you know that there is a little hole in the wooden walls, where Heavy keeps an eye on you.

Mikhail touches himself to the sight of your naked back, as you seen to have the same idea in the bath, reveling in the now warm touches of your hands against your skin.

He hears you moan out his name as you masturbate, and that only fuels his fire more. He usually climaxes to a particularly loud and desperate begging from your lips.

Wakes up with a raging boner that he mostly will ignore, but will rarely take care of himself to the thought of you.

Engineer

You're kidnapped, tied up by the enemy- but you're naked and begging for someone to touch you! Engie is there to rescue you, but you look so handsome all vulnerable like that- you understand, don't you, darlin'?

Dell fucks you as you're tied up in the chair and mutters dirty things that make his sleeping body blush as he promises to fuck you in every way he can as he fucks you like a desperate man.

The feeling of your tightening around him and begging to let you cum, please don't call him daddy, he'll stain his sheets!

Is massively ashamed to touch himself when he's awake to thr thought of his coworker

Medic

You. On his operating table. Bound by the belts and struggling to escape as your dick is hard and tied with a little bow at the base. "To Medic" the gift tag says. Wouldn't it be rude to not use a gift?

He imagines you drunk on lust as he injects both you and himself with an aphrodesiac. Hazily, you two fuck on base instincts for hours as he shoves his cock deep into you over and over again, orgasm after orgasm until he was thoroughly used.

But you break your restraints, pin him against the table and fuck him from behind. It's your turn to use him like the cocksleeve he knows he is. Use him like a fleshlight, just as rough as you always imagine!

Doesn't cum in his sleep but jerks off into a test tube for research purposes later.

Spy

You and Spy are making out in his smoking room before you lay him down onto the couch, unbuttoning his suit and kissing all the skin you can reach as you undress him.

You finger him lazily with one hand, pouring him a glass of wine with the other. The glass is left on the side table as you suck hickeys into his thighs before you thrust into him.

It starts off slow- as it always does, you're always gentle at first- then you pick up the pace, drilling into him with reckless abandon as you chase your pleasure.

Spy sleepily jerks himself off from over his pyjama pants, more asleep than awake as he dreams of you absolutely wrecking him.

Sniper

He imagines you fucking yourself with your fingers in his Sniper Nest, holding his shirt close to you. You fuck yourself stupid as you moan out "Mundy, oh god, Mick- please fuck me!"

Mick loves watching, just like the creep he is. He loves the shame of watching someone through a sniper scope, even if he's not watching intimate moments like that. During missions, he likes to rub one out as he watches people do mundane things.

He fucks his fist in his sleep to the sight of you seducing him- the idea of you wanting him just as much as he wants you drives him insane.

[lunatic-pudge]

TF2 Mercs Green Flags (except it's very biased)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I love my boys. Yes, this is biased and questionable. But this is meant to be cute and fun.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Scout:

-Silly little goober, great person to be around when you need cheering up

-Golden retreiver boyfriend

-Can easily make you laugh without even trying

-Artsy fartsy

Pyro

-Cutie patootie who makes the cutest drawings of you two together

-Owns an Easy Bake Oven

-Master at baking, never-ending supply of sweets for you to indulge in

-Your biggest supporter. Would literally cheer for you if you rob a bank

Soldier

-Also your biggest supporter, will demand that other adore you as well

-Will let you own any pet you want no matter what the animal is

-Speeches of why you're the best thing to ever exist and how America is blessed to have such a beauty like you live there

-Will give you anything and everything you could ever want, like human ears. Definitely a good person to be if you like collecting weird stuff

Demo

-Precious baby boy is a major cuddle bug

-Def knows how to knit/crochet, will make you whatever you want

-Baby man likes learning about folklore/mythology

-He's essentially a big walking teddy bear. Perfect for cuddles, especially on a cold or rainy day

Heavy

-GIANT WALKING TEDDY BEAR

-Protective baby boy, big scary dog privleges

-Bookworm, can recommend a good book if you don't know what to read

-Perfect person to lay around and cuddle with, he can smother me any day. Dates at home are TOP TIER

Engie

-THE BEST PERSON TO GO TO WHEN YOU'RE HAVING AN OFF DAY HANDS DOWN

-Smart boy, can make you stuff that helps with day to day activities which is helpful if you can't do certain things to having a disability or something

-Dad bod, dad bod, dad bod, dad bod, dad bod, can't get enough of it

-Voice of an angel, will sing for you if you'd like. Can def sing you to sleep

Medic

-NERD, he's an adorable nerd! Let him ramble about his hyperfixations!

-Def a good pet owner, would kill someone if they don't take proper care of their pets

-Would make sure you take care of yourself, he's kinda like a dad that cares

-He's such a maniac. I can see him just secretly being up to no good all the time. And he's also very girlypop

-Putting an extra for him cause I can: Medic boobs. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk

Sniper

-Sweet, precious baby boy who can do no wrong. He strikes me as someone who listens to EVERYTHING when it comes to music. He ain't genrephobic

-Also a collector of weird things. Likes making bone jewlery. Bone boy

-I just love the concept of him being feral? This is probably the weirdest thing on the list. Like there's the golden retreiver boyfriend (Scout), and then there's the feral boyfriend (Sniper). Literally acts like a cat, hiding away from people, hissing when people that aren't you tries to touch him, will demand attention/affection from you, ect. I need to make a more detailed idea of a feral boyfriend so work with me plz

-He would absolutely let you wear his clothes, thinking about how adorable you look. He'd do the same with your clothes if they're big enough for his lanky body. You two swap jackets in the winter time so you guys always have a piece of each other when you two are busy and aren't able to see each other

Spy

-I know a running joke is that Spy is a smelly French asshole, but I really do think that he wears some of the nicest smelling cologne out there. Expensive af colonge, but damn, it's addicting

-Smarty pants. Not just anyone can be a spy, it takes quite a bit of intellect for it. And not to mentions he knows multiple languages? Love it, even if I hate the French language with a burning passion

-Him having a good taste in fashion? He's gotta know what he's doing by wearing suits all the time. Not only does he look fresh af, but people always look so good in a suit, especially when it fits them. But please also picture him dressed in a more romantic goth aesthetic plz, okay I'll stop now

-Is good at paying attention to even the littlest of details about his partners. Even if you're trying to be cryptic or subtle about things, he'll always find out. He's def a protective type too

[crabonfire]

Hello! Could you do the mercs reactions to an S/O that picks them up bridal/princess style with ease? If you don’t want to that’s fine, either way I hope you have a nice day!

(Sorry if the English is bad, it’s not my first language)

S/O carrying mercs w ease

PLEASE this is so me I carry my friends a lot haha 🙏‼️

character: all mercs

note: it's okay bro, English ain't my first language either (non English speakers we 🆙️)

s/o body isn't mentioned but they are not skinny, they have muscle, you can imagine to be athletic, chubby, strong or buff, whatever!!

also this is shorter than most of my work I'm sorry,,, I hope its still good!!

reblogs are greatly appreciated!

warnings: none

♡Scout♡

• oh!

• honestly very embarrassed? cause he wanted to be the "strong" one. (LMFAOAOAOAOOAA)

• "I can walk, ya know."

"Scout, your injured..."

"...How are you so strong??"

"Hm? I wouldn't say I'm strong...your just pretty light."

"Oh."

• has mixed feelings about it. how. what. when did you learn to do this.

• does he think it's incredibly attractive? Yes. Is he jealous? YES???

like what..h...huh..

• he does end up loving it though, like, sets his envy and toxic masculinity aside because...its nice to be carried. Makes him feel safe.

• if the others tease him for being carried he gets embarrassed the first couple times and tells you to drop him. But then he learns to not give a fuck, because its so comforting when he lies his head on your chest as you carry him around.

"Yeah yeah, your all just jealous that I got somebody that'll hold me, ya sad fucks!" He'd snicker, melting in your arms.

♡Pyro♡

• wants to be carried by you all the time.

• so shocked the first time you swooped them up happily and swung them around bridal style, they were so happy. squealing and clapping, chuckling to themselves as you walk with them in your arms.

• also wow ur so strong!!!!!! my god

• sometimes, pi pretends to fall asleep while they cuddle with you, so in the end when it's time to sleep for tomorrow, you carry them in your arms while you both head to your room, tucking them in and then going in after them. They're awake, but it's just nice and comforting when you show such affection.

• thinks it's super cool. like ur so sweet and so strong and that's honestly so hot lkke I'm sorry hello

"Mmmfh mmfh.." [Hubba hubba..] They'd mutter, wrapping their hands around your neck as they swoon at you.

"Pff-"

♡Soldier♡

• uh...umm...uhhhdh...

• "..."

"Soldier? You okay? You're really quiet."

"...yes."

"Yea?"

"yes."

No. He is not.

His face is red, he keeps staring at you wide eyed as you carry him out of the battlefield with his broken leg. He's sweating profusely, but you think it's just because of the fight. It was not.

• It's the most attractive thing in the world to him when you show such strength, such will to be able to carry a burly man like him. Imagine how strong you are. That's, like...really cool.

• tells demoman about it with a red face and a shaky voice, and he has to pat his back with a laugh, telling him that you two are meant to be.

• maybe...you can carry him again...if...he's hurt...again..maybe.

hurts himself on "accident" so you can carry him.

"Jane, again? How'd you fall down the stairs twice?"

"THOSE STAIRS WERE NOT MADE BY TRUE AMERICAN HANDS, FOR THEY HAVE DENIED ME THE PRIVILIGE TO WALK!"

"...Okay."

He grins widely whenever you carry him bridal style, he's thankful his helmet hides a part of his face because he's flushed and staring at you the entire time. Bro is enamored. Bro finds you absolutely majestic. Bro finds you infinite.

♡Demo♡

• first time you carried him he was drunk, you carried him bridal style cause he was knocked out cold.

he awoke in the middle, seeing your majestic face as you carry him in the middle of the streets with a pout, trying to get back to base.

he thinks he's woken up in heaven, you look so cute.

Then he realizes he's being carried, he looks at his scrumpy in hand, then back to you, and just convinces himself this is a drunk dream he's having.

"...Wow...yer very strong... hic "

"Thank you Tavish."

The walk back is just him complimenting and gushing over you with a grin, drooling over you (literally it was a little gross)

"Yer so hot."

"?? Thank you Tavish?"

"So cool...I dunnae why yer datin' me..."

"Demo, don't say that."

"What?? It's true.. hic yer carryin' me thru the streets past midnight, I don't deserve ye."

You sigh, "You deserve me, don't talk like that okay?" The conversation continues sweetly.

When you two got back, he woke up and was still convinced it was a really sweet dream he had.

But then the second time you carried him wow okay this is real.

"Yer so strong. I never knew ye could do this."

"Haha, you've said that already Tav."

"Yeah...I know."

He's so?? Like?? Into it. It made something grow in him. Carry him like that? He'll do whatever you want.

♡Heavy♡

• WHAT

• WHAT DID YOUR PARENTS FEED YOU?

• what fucking protein powder do you chug to get this fucking strong bro

• do you deadlift 200? Huh? You..you bench 150? Fucking maniac

• he actually convinces himself that he's died and went to heaven the moment when you carry him out from the battlefield, dropping him over to the Medic to get healed. But he's stiff as a board, not responding to medics cry for help.

Even medic is a little shocked. A lot actually what the FUCK DID YOU EAT?

• he snaps out of it, continuing to shred people

• but after battle he walks up to you, with furrowed eyebrows and stiff hands.

"How did you carry me?"

"HUH?"

"In battle. I was hurt. You carried me. How?"

"Oh, uh...I don't know. It was a spur of the moment, I usually don't carry people."

"Spur of moment? You mean to say you don't do this?"

"No! That was my first time carrying anybody in a while."

"..."

"Heavy?"

"..Give me a moment."

He walks over to sit at the bench, hands in fists as he looks at the floor looking both proud and defeated. How the fuck.

• finds it attractive! Duh!!!!!

• having such a strong partner makes him have so proud and happy, talks about you to his family and swoons about your strength. Its so corny, he's fangirling.

♡Engie♡

• 😯😲🥴😊😍😏

• kiss him please.

• the fucking, expression on his face the moment you carried him up from his chair, placing him above your shoulder like a sack of potatoes and carrying him outside. Bros face was so red, bro transformed into the red power rangers.

• what the FUCK s/o.

•"D-Darlin' what are you doin'-"

"Engie you've been cooped up in that damn room too long, I'm taking you out."

Any merc walking by and watching gives him a thumbs up, muttering "nice." As they grin at him.

Genuinely questions how strong you are. He has a heavy, robotic arm so he's not a light man. (Plus he's chubbbyyy and I love him tummy and I wanna eat it mmm yummmm!! sorry ill stop)

wow s/o that's so rude you can't just carry him without asking like that (please please do this more often he's so into it)

The strength you have is such a mood booster? Like Heavy he gushes over you with strangers and friends like you're a Greek god.

• also feels comforted to be held bridal style like haha wow yes please

♡Medic♡

• I don't even have to tell you because you know what I'm gonna say

• of course he's into it.

• enamored, gushing, swooning, fangirling, screaming, hitting the wall, dying

• carrying him as he's half asleep from his medbay to his room woke him up, staring at you with wide eyes and a grin, his cheeks flushed a bit red as he laughs. "Mein gott, your strong!"

• bro is not a twink I get physically sick when people call him one, so if you can carry him that it quite impressive.

• idk how to write this without making it sound like he's thirsting over u I'm sorry um... he just really likes it and finds your strength an admirable trait about you.

Makes you carry heavy things and uses the excuse that he's too weak to carry jt himself so he can watch your muscles do they thing 😭🙏

♡Sniper♡

• oh. okay.

• yeah. mhm. cool.

• it's like he's fallen for you all over again

• he's quiet, hands awkwardly lying on his own lap as you carry him bridal style, smiling to yourself. His hat is covering his face fortunately for him, so you can't see his shy smile and his pink cheeks.

"Cmon Snipes, we gotta go out its a good day today!"

"Yeah sure. Whatever..."

Like demo, carry him like that he's gonna say yes to anything you tell him. He's honestly not paying attention.

• I feel like all these men are really into the strength of a person, especially snipes. Not only is it an admirable thing to have, but like I said, it's attractive. Does not like to be carried like a sack of potatoes but if you ever carry him bridal style or in a holding position he's gonna melt. Whatever bad mood he's had will slowly fade.

You'd carry him infront of you, a worried expression on your face. "What's wrong mundy? You seem so upset today." With that doting voice of yours...his heart feels like its going to explode, his bad mood lifted, he smiles at you with a sigh. "Nothin'. Just missed you."

♡Spy♡

• yeah

• dude idk what u expect he's a lanky man so of course when his partner carries him he's gonna be swooned

• top 10 ways to swoon the spy:

1. Carry the spy

• works like a charm, if he's being a tease or a little bitch all you gotta do is carry him, arms holding his hips with a smile on your face and he'll fold.

• first time you carried him he couldn't face you for the whole day, he found it the most attractive thing in the world but at the same time oh boy for once he's the flustered one.

• "I did not know you had such strength."

"Hah, I don't even need to use any of my strength. Your built like a stick, Spy."

"Fifth grader insults, that's low, especially for you Mon amour."

[wisteriaiswriting]

Soldier and Medic dating a short feisty reader

Short and Feisty S/O

Words: 734

Swearing: 1 in Soldier | 2 in Medic.

This motherfucker only enables and encourages anything you do.

He’s also considered one of the more ‘feisty’ mercs. (He’s not very short though.)

So he’s always more than willing to join you on anything you do.

You’re now never able to go anywhere alone. (Could be him or one of his raccoons.)

Whenever you two are in battle he’ll try to stay near you, but can never guarantee it.

Isn’t someone who will purposely tease you about your height.

While he does occasionally make remarks he doesn’t even realise he does.

Likely you’ll just climb onto something if you can’t reach, so he’ll stand back, announce his appearance but only watch in case.

If you ask though he will grab you the needed item.

Quickly enough into the relationship he gave you your own helmet. (Your initials are carved on the inside.)

Also given a title. (You’re now Captain, no fighting him on this.)

He’s the type of guy to just throw you over his shoulder.

Nothing is making him drop you. (Maybe, just maybe if Demoman asked.)

***

“UH, SOLLY!��

Hearing his name yelled from down the hall, he swiftly poked around the corner. Finding Engnieer looking worried as he looked around, jumping when he noticed the familiar helmet looking back at him.

“We kinda need your help out ‘ere.”

“WHAT’S WRONG MAGGOT?”

Engineer scratched his chin for a few seconds before opening his mouth, only to be cut off by the door next to him –which led outside– being slammed open. Missing him by mere inches, and the person that came through was, unknowingly to him, the cause of this problem. You.

In your tightly grasped hand, was a hat. Specifically Sniper’s. Not sparing a glance back at Dell as you saw Jane. Rushing off and away from the door just in time for Mick to rush through, unable to grab you as you moved. Only now did Jane realize what was happening.

Standing taller as you successfully got away, taking your spot right behind him. Peering out to see Mick sigh, hunched over as he walked away. So did Engineer, not before he gave the last words.

“Just make sure it gets returned in the same condition.”

He will actually encourage you from time to time.

It’s the fact he still needs time away from… you and everything you're doing.

He’s more ‘feral’ than feisty on the field. (Also off the field, when doing his medical things… Even you stay away from all that.)

Is 100% a teaser.

This fucker won’t shut up about everything, especially your height and specifically the height difference.

Internally panics if he ever catches you climbing on things.

He’ll rush over to pull you off (Most times he puts you down, but now always.) before grabbing the thing himself.

Majority of the time Archimedes will stay away from you. (Whether Medic says so or not, who knows?)

Climb this bitch.

He will freeze in his steps and shut down, a great tactic if he’s teasing you.

Will never stop thinking about it until he dies. (But even being in hell doesn’t stop him.)

Has offered to increase your height by… some sort of means alright. (Many times mind you.)

Gained the habit of just grabbing you, by one of two ways. Either like a cat, holding you so he’s out of reach. Or under his arm, where he has gotten stratched.

Has and will speak German to you, especially if you don’t understand it. He enjoy’s watching you become more and more riled up over it.

***

Anyone who walked near Medic’s office could only hear noises, all of which shouldn’t be happening in any medical office. But unless they took a look in they could only guess who was messing about, with those guesses being you bothering Medic.

He could focus with all the ruckus you were making, seemingly interested in the most basic objects in the room. All before dropping them not where they belonged. Cupping his face in his hands as he muttered something, which you could only assume was about you. Unaware of you hearing him and now interested in his words.

“What ‘cha just say?”

“Sie sind unausstehlich…”

Hearing you huff in response to his words.

“Fine, if you won’t tell me I’ll ask someone else!” Medic only looked up when he heard his office door shut and the faint shouting of, “HEAVY!”

***

Sie sind unausstehlich - You are obnoxious

[demoman-kisser420]

Dating the mercs headcannons <3

Scout

-It takes him a bit to get over ms pauling imma be honest cheif

-hes super sweet and loves to run around with you

-he's clingy and loves to show you off

-he loves to stay around you during battle to keep you safe

Soldier

(IK CANONICALLY HES DATING ZHANNA)

-very possesive ngl (isn't to possesive tho)

-he loves pda (handholding hugging kissing)

-will hold you while he rocket jumps with you

-hes clingy asf and gets jealous easy (good luck lmao)

Pyro

(Again I go off the unofficial pyro face by the creators)

-they are super sweet to you

-there love language is definitely gift giving

-definitely gonna get some strange gifts though

-they love to cuddle after a good battle

Demoman

-best man to cuddle

-I feel like he would teach you how to throw a scottish hammer

-would call you cute pet names

(Lass/lad lamb hun/honey)

-loves to kiss you even just mini kisses on the battle fieild

Heavy

-this man would be so awkward at first

-he would give you small gifts like flower he picked

-he would cook for you and would teach you how to cook (if you didn't know)

-hes overprotective as hell

-doesent really like pda but will still slightly hold your hand infront of others maybe a hug at most

Engineer

-WHAT A MANN 😍

-he would be so sweet to you

-holds your hand almost all the time

-he just likes to be around you

-he doesent get jealous easy but if some one is openly flirting with you hes gonna step in

-calls you honey,darling,baby,sweetheart

-he likes it when you wear his clothes

Medic

-hes super obsessed with you like every little thing about you will fascinate him

-hes clingy asf he wants you to be with him almost all the time

-stays next to you in battle to make sure your okay

-he loves it when you sit on his lap while he works on paper work (not even a sexual thing it's just the fact your around him)

-cute german pet names

Sniper

-he gets flustered easy

-he likes affection but not in public

-good at kissing

-he makes sure to keep a look out for you on the battle field

-gives you the spare key to his van

-goes star gazing with you

Spy

-loves to flirt with you

-will constantly fluster you infront if everyone

-he shows you off alot to everyone

-calls you french pet names

-hes nervous about commitment but he will eventually commit himself to you

-HOLY SHIT THIS MAN IS A GOOD KISSER

(I really liked making this and I'd love to take you guy's commissions and stuff so feel free to ask for some hc's or short stories and I'll do my best <3)